They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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