i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
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