Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
