The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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