im gay
i know
yea but for you.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Randomize
