4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Your tits are I can't wait for
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
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