I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
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