Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Randomize
