She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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