And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Randomize
