i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
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