HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
