I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Randomize