if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
barbara walters just said penis...
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
