i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Randomize
