he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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