his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
