hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
