Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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