I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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