Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
i just had sex bonerless
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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