Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
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