wakey wakey hands off snakey
he wants to bone in the snuggie
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
