jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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