Barsexuality is the new black.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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