guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
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