That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
