so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
