Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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