So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Everyone says I win the strip club
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Randomize
