the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
