put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
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