Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
