I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
