do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
