I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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