You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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