my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
