just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
