just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
