We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
