You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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