Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
no. you can't hotbox the world.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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