i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Randomize
