lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Randomize
