dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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