Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Randomize
