It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize