how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Randomize
