i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
