Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
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