I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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