So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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