You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize