I skipped work to stalk him.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Randomize
