I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
