We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Dignity is for republicans.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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