how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Randomize
