I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
