He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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