You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize