Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
