All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Randomize
