i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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