new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
