on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize