I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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