I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
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