Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
