I just saw a hot homeless man
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
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