nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Randomize
