happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
